In honour of the North American launch of the New 3DS XL, we dug up 4 early names for Nintendo’s latest handheld.
After spending an extensive amount of time digging around the darkest corners of the web, I’ve found some of the potential names that Nintendo had for their newest handheld systems before settling on the “New 3DS & New 3DSXL.” I can’t wait to share what I found with you. Honestly, some of these names are, in my opinion, far better than the names Nintendo settled on in the end.
1) The Nintendo 3DS XL.O.L
Everybody knows that the folks at Nintendo love to have a laugh. At this year’s E3 video conference, Nintendo presidents Reggie Fils-Aime and Satoru Iwata filmed a very silly battle sequence to demonstrate their good humor. The two presidents had the whole company in stitches when they decided that their diehard fans would now have to pay them for another DS…again.
2) The Nintendo ‘3DS Confusing and 3DS Isolating’
Over the company’s long history, consumers and fans have learned that Nintendo loves two things: blessing us with wonderfully fun video games, and confusing the F*@$ out of casual gamers with seemingly bizarre system name choices. Families were puzzled when the big N followed up on the Wii by adding the letter “U”; Kids couldn’t tell if the 2DS was a successor to the 3DS or a step back. Now, the merchandising team at Nintendo has reached new heights in their ever increasing attempt to baffle their audience.
3) The Nintendo 8DS and 9DS
In the year 2004, Nintendo began a new chapter of handheld gaming with the dual screened Nintendo DS. Soon after, the company surprised consumers with the news that their clunky DS was obsolete in wake of the DS Lite. But then the news hit: that old DS Lite? Trash compared to the DSi! This happened seven times all in all. In the days before the dual screen, Nintendo would differentiate their new consoles with unique and exciting names (SNES! N64! GameCube!), but we don’t speak of that dark age. Now, everyone’s favorite developer loves to innovate by slapping a new number or lower case letter on top of the irresistible DS family name.
4) The Nintendo ‘Deep Down You Know You’ll Still Buy It’ DS
Even though you just finished paying off your 3DSXL, Nintendo knows that you can’t keep your wallet safe from their irresistibly quirky products. Rumor has it that a final DS iteration is in development, and is set to have a built in vacuum that, while in your pocket, sucks up and consumes any coins and crumpled up bills you might be carrying. This newest prototype has been codenamed “3D$”, and seems to contradict last month’s rumor of a ‘mature-audience-only’ handheld with advanced street pass features that let you connect at any Nintendo wi-fi certified gentleman’s club – the new system has been referred to by reporters and press as the 3DS XXX.
Editor’s Note: I love Nintendo. Take this article as a lighthearted satire.