Sony Pictures Has Revealed a Lost Venom Movie from 2008

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Venom is a truly humbling ancient relic of superhero films.

Did you know that, following the failure of Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 3, Sony Pictures had plans to reboot the franchise with a Venom solo film? Neither did the rest of the world.

Until now that is, as the wise film studio has now unveiled a fully produced trailer for the fortunately cancelled film. And as anyone can see, it’s clear why they shelved it!

The mid-2000’s were the Wild West of superhero flicks. Before movies based on Marvel properties realized they could be good, we had to be disappointed over and over by far too much edgy mediocrity. Daredevil, Ghost Rider, Elektra, however many Punisher movies they made, all now serve as dark reminders of a time when Evanescence-fueled montage scenes were a standard.

And now we have one more skeleton in the closet from this outdated era of 2008:

Despite remaining in the dark for all these years, Venom lives up to the reputation of its time. An unnecessarily re-imagined origin story, complete misunderstanding of the character, utterly de-fanged edge factor from a PG-13 rating, goofy writing, bad effects, and clearly lower budget, are all clear signs of the film’s originally intended release date a decade ago. It would be funny if it weren’t so tragic.

We’re sure the film would have unfolded exactly like it’s contemporaries. A frustratingly boring film with a dark tone it never earns that squanders all its potential, possibly teasing a sequel where exciting things might finally happen, but is never actually made. Venom himself will show up for maybe 10 minutes at the end.

It’s a shame really. If Venom was being made today, we could have seen something on par with Logan – a brutally violent, but faithful adaptation of a dark and flawed character. Oh well, maybe one day we can see the character pop up in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, where he can be given proper treatment.

Wait.

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Oh no.

This thing is coming out this year? This is a real trailer for a real movie that is actually being released in 2018? Like, the same year as Infinity War? This isn’t pre-X-Men Origins: Wolverine?

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I thought this was a museum piece.

Oh. Oh wow Sony. This is just awful of you.

Alright folks, I guess get ready to relive the 2000’s again with Venom this October. Hope you still like Seether. And crappy movies.

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